The Sadist Meets The Queen and The Siscon Brother
by korin-chan14
Summary: A collection of oneshots featuring the pairing of OkitaxKaguraxKamui
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:** Like always… I DO NOT OWN GINTAMA! It's the real property of a certain gorilla!

**Title: Never accept gifts from someone you hate, even if that present was really yours to begin with**

**NOTE: too OOC… Grammatical errors… lame jokes… typo errors…**

_Kagura blinked her eyes, can't believe on what she was currently seeing. _

"_Am I dreaming-aru? Is this… is this true? Is this sukonbu land" _

_She turned her head for over 180° degrees, and could only see those red boxes and that black strips of pickled seaweed, scattered all over the place. She ran and ran… going nearer and nearer to that sour treat, and when she was about to reach a piece of that swe- sour temptation…_

"Imouto! Rise and shine! It's already morning, ya'll gonna be late for school." Kamui jumped on her bed and hugged her tight.

Ranging from anger 'cause her wonderful dream was destroyed by her idiotic brother, she let out a full-of-hatred scream as she tried shrugging him off her. "Shut the fuck up BAKAMUI! Get out of my sight!"

Kamui sat up straight and let out a (cute) pout. "But imouto, I just did my duty as yer older brother, yes? I mean, you don't want to be late for school, right?"

Kagura let out a sigh, putting her hands on her waist while sitting and facing him, "First thing's first ya stupid idiot."

"Ouch~" Kamui mumbled.

"I had been reminding this to you for the past four days already but…. IT'S ALREADY SUMMER YA SHIT HEAD! SCHOOL'S FREAKING CLOSE AND THOSE LAZY-SUPPOSED-TO-BE-GREAT-MODEL-TEACHERS ARE NOW HAVING THEIR SWEET VACATION!" Kagura blurted out in one breath.

*insert Ginpachi-sensei sneezing*

"Oh, I forgot about that my dear sister."

She just ignored her brother's usual reply and proceeded in her second business. "And nii-chan, how many times do I need to tell ya that you shouldn't be barging in my room anytime you want-aru. Let me have my privacy."

Kamui hugged her like he had heard nothing, "But, but, don't we sleep together in the past? I actually miss it so much, I had that habit of sneaking in your room, staring at your angelic face."

"You… you WHAT?! You creep! Stay away from me pervert!"

"No. I. Won't."

"I will now change clothes. Now go out!"

"Then change now. I could even help-" but before Kamui could continue, Kagura had punched him on the face really hard.

"Enough with yer sexual harassment-aru. Go now and prepare my breakfast-aru."

"With pleasure, my lovely princess." Kamui stood up kissing her forehead and onto the door.

"It's queen." Kagura corrected, wiping her forehead.

"Pardon me my majesty."

Though she was planning on continuing her sleep, hoping that her dream would continue on where she had left it, but then again she was already wide awake. All thanks to her thick-headed brother.

"Oh well…" she stood up, and started changing her clothes from her pajama to her usual Chinese styled blouse and pairing it with a cute skirt. After fixing herself up, she went straight towards the dining room, where her brother and breakfast was already waiting for her.

"Cute as ever my imouto. No matter what clothes you wear, sure is looking good at you, yes?"

"Well of course I am-aru."

"But then again, how 'bout try being naked-" a fork almost stabbed at him if he didn't caught it in time.

"Quit it."

"Hai~ ^_^ "

So, with that short conversation, the two of them stared at each other and with the count of….

THREE…

TWO…

ONE….

"ITADAKIMASU!" they had rapidly grabbed the bowl of rice, eating all the dishes in front of them like there is no tomorrow. For people who doesn't know them well and would see Kagura and Kamui eating, one would have that certain thought of them having a competition, contest or whatsoever… well, it's not like they are entirely wrong with that, because in the Yato household every day is like a battle towards meal…

No one would be brave or stupid enough to go reckless and disturb these two beasts in eating… no one except…

"Yo two glutton Chinas who are eating as if it's the end of the world… be careful not to catch constipation. It's kinda gives a turn off feeling, especially if a girl or a lady would get it. Oh wait, now that I think about it, there's no girl nor lady in here. Just two dead-hungry beasts." A deadpanned tone welcomed, catching the attention of the two Yatos.

"Die fucking sadist! Don't go entering other people's houses without permission, that's called trespassing-aru." Kagura retorted back, throwing a bread knife at him.

The lad with crimson red eyes just easily dodged it like it was nothing and answered, "Well, it's not my fault that the door was left unlocked. I knocked and called for your information, but I got no reply. Seeing you having your breakfast, no wonder."

"Anyways Sadist-kun~ what brings you here early mornig? Visiting imouto?" Kamui joked, but still hoping what he said was wrong.

"Well, something like that siscon-san~"

"Please don't call me some creepy nicknames sadist-kun. I am no siscon, I just love my sister from the bottom of my heart, to the point where I am stalking her."

"That's the description of a siscon, Bakamui. Really… why did I had such a creepy brother like"

"Imouto~ " *pouts*

"See, even your /ugly/ sister hates you for being such a sick, twisted and creepy brother." Sougo added.

"Who the hell are ya calling ugly-aru? And you talk as if you aren't one. You love your sister so much, you tried killing her boyfriend mayora, many times already-aru. Uh-huh."

"Correction, China. Hijibastard is not Ane-ue's boyfriend, and I won't let him. I don't want my beloved sister to be in a relationship with a piece of shit."

"SISCON ALERT! SISCON ALERT! WOOHOO!" the two teased.

*veinpop* "Quit it out Aho siblings"

"It's _'YATO_' ya asshole."

"I don't care. I just went here to deliver this." Sougo placed a box on the table.

"What's that sadist-kun? A bomb?" *antenna twitches*

"Trying to kill us 'cause yer pissed off? What a low person you are, committing a murder with a stupid reason-aru."

"Who said about murdering two psychos here don't worry, as long as the person in my top list, which is Hijikata-san is still alive, I don't have any plans on killing others." He said opening the box. "now look."

Kagura had her jaw dropped down the floor, while Kamui had an amused expression while saying "Oh my…"

"SU-SUKONBU?!" Kagura snapped. "Wh-why do you have so many-aru?"

"It's yours stupid."

"Eh? Sadist is giving me sukobu, and to point out this many? Is there any calamity going ahead? Is it the end of the world? Are ya dying-aru?"

"Can you shut up bitch?" with that said, a fork had almost hit him (coming from Kamui), good thing he had dodged it.

"That was yours…. As I was saying… you're the one who had bought it, through mail, but you've got the address wrong. Instead of writing your house number, you had written ours. You are just so stupid."

"Oh… I see… so that is why I was wondering why I'm still not receiving this. I had been waiting for these babies for a week."

"Blame your stupidity."

"Shut it! And if these was already in your house, why didn't you bring it here once you've got these-aru?"

"I want you to suffer from waiting."

"Why you-"

While Kagura and Sougo had been exchanging words in each other, Kamui in the other hand had his expression darken and is grabbing his chopsticks, breaking it into two due to annoyance.

"Well, now that my business is finally over, time for me to go."

"yeah right. Go to hell or wherever, bastard sadist."

Once Sougo went out, Kamui had his face relaxed and faced Kagura with a wide grin.

"So imouto, you ordered that for yourself, yes? You really love those sour things, neh?"

"Yes." She replied shortly, and took a bite of the sukonbu.

3

2

1

"DIE FUCKING SON OF A BITCH BASTARD ASSHOLE SADIST!" Kagura shouted in the top of her lungs.

"I-Imouto… wh-what's wrong?" Kamui asked worriedly.

"That brat… he put that fraking Tabasco sauce here in my sukonbu. WATER! GIMME WATER-ARU!"

"H-Here… Drink…" he gave her a glass of water where Kagura had gulped in an instant begging for more.

Sougo who is currently outside, heard Kagura's scream and let out a smirk, saying he won….

OWARI

A/N: How was it *eyes sparkles* I started shipping Kamkagu… but, but this love triangle s just so… so… KYAHHHH! Love Kamui-nii-chan! Please leave a review, thanks^^


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N. : Arigatou for the reviews minna…. And I am glad with the fact that many people ships this love triangle just like me… Please continue to read this… thanks..**

**Again, forgive my grammatical errors, typo errors and suuuuper lame jokes… oh and the OOCness..**

**FAMILY REUNIONS AREN'T REALLY AS DRAMATIC AS THOSE WE SEE IN TV DRAMAS**

"Ugh… it's freaking hot-aru!" the orange haired Yato complained as she sat at her favorite bench at the park.

As a Yato, she is extremely weak towards sunlight, not to mention it is now summer. If ordinary people would complain with this kind of weather, what more in her case? To ease that irritating feeling she was currently having, she decided to go have some refreshments.

"Are ya kidding me-aru?! Are ya serious?! Because if not, I'll f*cking kill ya right now! This instant! Don't mess with me-aru, this hot weather made my patience shorter than ever!" she threatened the ice cream vendor who was now crying and terribly scared towards the ranging supposed-to-be-oh-so-cute-heroine of the anime. He just gave a nod and answered,

"YES! Please take it! There's no one here in this place who likes sukonbu-flavored ice cream here. So just take it rather than having it go to waste. It would really be a great help for me."

Kagura had let him go and looked at him with such happy eyes. "R-really-aru?! You are so kind old man! I'll never forget this kindness you had showed me, uh-huh! Just call us!" she gave him a business card of Yorozuya, "with payment of course, we will surely be there to lend a hand for ya!"

After that, she went back to the bench carrying all the stocks of sukonbu flavored ice cream in the truck. "THIS IS THE LIFE!" she exclaimed while happily eating the ice cream, gallons per gallons. Kagura was definitely in her best mood not until…

"Yo! My ever-so-kawaii-imouto. How are ya!" Greeted merrily by a man who is currently in front of her. Just like Kagura, he has his own parasol and a pair of cerulean orbs. He went near her and sat beside the still stunned Kagura, while keeping that grin plastered in his face.

"KAMUI! What the hell are ya doing here-aru?! And don't act very casual towards me. As if we are friends! Go away!" Kagura shouted, standing up and pointing her index finger at him.

"Mah, mah~ my little cute sister. Why of course we are not friends, we are siblings, yes and aren't that quite rude calling yer brother with his name only? At least it Kamui-nii, yes"

Kagura spat on the ground and went back, focusing her vision with the ice cream she currently holding. "What the hell are ya doing here, bastard?"

"Why? To see my lovely sister of course." He immediately answered with a huge smile.

"Liar." Kagura said shortly. Then she remembered Kamui, leaving her before when she was still a kid.

"_I have no use in weaklings like you."_

"After leaving me like that, you'll say that you want to see me? Quit joking idiot!" Kagura mumbled to herself after remembering that painful past.

"Oh~still holding a grudge on me because of that my dear sister? How cute~ " Kamui teased her, after hearing what she had said.

Realizing that her stupid brother had heard her whispers, Kagura's face immediately blushed red. "Sh-shut up! I just simply hate you-aru!"

"Trying to play Tsundere lil' sis? Don't act so cute~ Are ya seducing me? Be careful, I might not control myself and attack you."

"Attack me? What the hell did you mean by that?"

"Nothing really." *antenna twitches*

As Kamui was enjoying teasing his little sister, a group of dog-looking-amantos came disturbing their little family reunion.

"Kamui ya bastard! How dare ya kill my comrades with no reason huh?!" said the captain-looking one, not even bothering introducing himself.

"Huh? And who might you be?" Kamui asked innocently, tilting his head.

"Why you-" *clears throat* "I am the leader of the amantos you had killed just a little while ago."

"Oh, those dogs… and they are just a bunch of weaklings, yes?"

"Why you…"

The doggie amanto attacked Kamui, but instead of dodging, he waited until doggie was near him and grabbed his hands, "Mah, mah… I don't really like fighting weaklings, but the fact that you disturbed my precious time with my kawaii imouto, I can't just let it go that easily, right"

"Why you…"

"Oi stupid doggie! If the only line you have to say is _'why you' 'why you'_ better yet have your mouth shut. Or then again, why not try barking-aru. You are a dog, yes?" Kagura butted in, while watching the both of them.

"Why you… *coughs* I mean… it's not my fault this stupid author made me say only those lines! I'm just following the script you b*tch!"

"What did ya just called my sister ya stupid dog?!" Kamui asked, seriously pissed off with what he had just heard. He was cocking his head, and crackling his knuckles, ready to make the dog in front of him face hell.

"Oh my, would ya look at that nii-chan was mad because I called his little sister a b-" but before he could mock Kamui further, his face was already wrecked because Kamui had punched him countless times.

"How dare you call Kagura like that? You think it's funny? Hell no!" Kamui continued punching him. When fighting, an idiotic grin can be seen in his face for he is enjoying, but this time was different. He was ranging with anger. Not only he had disturbed him with his precious time with his sister, but called her in a weird way. He definitely needs to pay. Kamui shouts to his mind when a loud voice had reached him in his insanity.

"NII-CHAN! STOP!"

It was Kagura, she was in the midst of holding back her tears. She ran towards him tucking his arm in her begging eyes. "Kagura…" Kamui shut his eyes close as he gently removed her hands on him and took some small steps away from her. As he kept getting farther Kagura shouted in the top of her lungs,

"ONII-CHAN!"

Kamui faced her with a surprised expression.

"You are going to leave me again? Do you still see me as a weakling? I'm sorry for not meeting your expectations, but hurting people is something I can't possibly do no matter what-aru? Is it wrong for me to hope that we could go back to how we used to be?" Kagura confessed everything running in her mind while crying.

"Kagura…" he moved closer to her embracing her tightly not wanting to let go. "I'm sorry… I know a mere apology like this won't do, but I guess I can't change for who I am right now." He nuzzled her hair as he continued, "to me you are my only sister, I also want to go back on how we used to be, but this is not the right time."

"Th-then when?" Kagura asked weakly.

"I don't know little sis…. Soon, I guess… soon"

As the Yato siblings are having their moments, another distraction came, surprising them with a BLAST from a bazooka.

"Yare, yare… what do we have here? China, are you causing trouble again here in Edo? Yes? Oh I see…" the police officer with a deadpan voice spoke. Not waiting for Kagura's response from his question, he immediately cuffed her hands.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YA THINK YOU ARE DOIN'-ARU?" Kagura shouted at him angrily with a death glare.

"Arresting someone who disturbs the peace in Edo, obviously China. That half-dead corpse is the evidence, I'm pretty certain that you and only you would be able to beat someone mercilessly like that." Sougo explained to her passively.

"That wasn't me, but him-aru!" she defended herself facing her head towards Kamui.

"Kamui from Harusame… Nice to meet you… or not. It looks to me that you are pretty close to my cute little sister, yes? Stick closer to her and I'll kill ya." Kamui introduced himself with his icy smile.

Sougo smirked taking his challenge, "Like this, nii-chan?" Sougo taunted him as he wrapped his arm over Kagura's shoulder and seizing her tightly while moving his face closer to her.

Kagura who was pissed with her rival's action took her attack on him. She stepped on his foot really hard, making the sadist wince in pain, but still kept his arms around her.

Kamui on the other hand, had his expression darken… he slowly raised his head up as he charged over Sougo shouting "KILL!"

**OWARI**

**OMAKE**

**Abuto:** Taichou? Where are you?

**Bansai:** Is there something wrong?

**Abuto:** Taichou is missing… again…

**Bansai:** Ah… *pats his shoulder* well then good luck.

**Takasugi:** We're going to earth.

**Matako: **Eh why? Shinsuke-sama But even so, no matter where you go I will follow you always…

**Takasugi:** *shows a piece of paper*

**Abuto:** *facepalms as he shakes his head* Taichou…

**Note:** IMOUTO IMOUTO IMOUTO IMOUTO IMOUUUUUUUUUUTOOOOOO…..

**A.N.: Reviews, reviews kudasai….**


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